


The Things We Do For Love

by admiralty



Series: Introspection [1]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s06e08 The Rain King, F/M, Post-Episode: s06e08 The Rain King, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 22:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16731540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiralty/pseuds/admiralty
Summary: Scully POV after the events of "The Rain King," contemplating her relationship with Mulder post FTF hallway near-kiss. MSR, UST.  Inspired by the 10cc song played in the high school gym during the episode."There’s also something physical between us, an attraction that might actually kill us dead if we don’t just… put it out there at some point. Maybe that’s what Mulder was trying to do with that kiss. Six years of the kinds of glances we share has definitely taken its toll. It came as no surprise to me that we’d been mistaken as a couple on three separate occasions over the past 48 hours."





	The Things We Do For Love

 

 

Middle school again.

That’s what this feels like. Balloons bobbing on the ceiling. A disco ball spattering greenish lights around the room. Awkward innocence permeating the air. It doesn’t matter that the room is filled with adults; I’ve been transported back to my youth in an instant.

There’s an enormous rainbow made of plaster proclaiming its reverence for Kroner, Kansas, and the ridiculous amount of lights adorning it is worthy of its own X file. Not that I'd want to impugn this perfectly charming little town. It’s been a pleasant diversion. It seems like the kind of place in which Mulder really enjoys being.

I’m just not exactly sure why we’re still here. In fact, I’ve been wondering that for days.  

Mulder always does this; he has some power over me I can’t explain. Maybe it’s magic, or maybe it’s something else. But he just says the word and I’m off on whatever ridiculous adventure he has up his sleeve. Whether it’s Groom Lake or a haunted house or even a man controlling the weather, I’ll always find myself in the midst of it. Wherever he is, I have to be. I have nothing to justify or account for it; only the perpetual suspicion that he must be some kind of dark wizard.

I don’t generally believe in those sorts of things, but with Mulder around, I can never be quite sure.

The case has been wrapped and the thunderstorm has abated. None of this really matters at the moment, however, because now he’s taking my hand and pulling me towards him and before I can process what’s happening we are in a close embrace, dancing like a couple teenagers.

Mulder and I don’t _dance._ He doesn’t even know how, and neither do I, really. We’ve done this before exactly once. It was over a year ago which sounds insane when I say it to myself but really, the nature of our work makes time fly by so quickly it doesn’t feel that long ago.

It’s an excuse, an excuse to hold each other, like so many other excuses we make time and time again.

My mind flashes to the song the DJ was playing earlier: 10cc. _The Things We Do For Love._ It’s a song I know, a song I’m very familiar with. It’s one of those songs that brings forth a vivid memory that’s burnt into my brain the way any transformative experience would be.

Patrick Hansen, seventh grade. I saw him dancing across the school gym with Stephanie Ericson. It was the first time I felt my heart break, before I even knew the potential of such an ache.

 

_Ooh you made me love you_

_Ooh you've got a way_

_Ooh you had me crawling up the wall_

 

I can feel Mulder’s heart beating in sync with mine, pounding like crazy as he holds me close. I’ve been crawling up the walls ever since my lips were a breath away from his, from the moment he said all those things to me that turned my entire world upside down.

It isn’t often someone tells you you made them a whole person. It certainly isn’t often when it’s Mulder.

 

_Communication is the problem to the answer_

_You've got her number and your hand is on the phone_

_The weather's turned and all the lines are down_

_The things we do for love, the things we do for love_

 

We’ve been here before, him and me, on countless occasions. We never let anything happen, ever. Words have never been our strong suit when it comes to personal feelings. The affection is there, the care, dare I say it… the love. I know it is.

But there’s also something physical between us, an attraction that might actually kill us dead if we don’t just… put it out there at some point. Maybe that’s what Mulder was trying to do with that kiss. Six years of the kinds of glances we share has definitely taken its toll. It came as no surprise to me that we’d been mistaken as a couple on three separate occasions over the past 48 hours.

Not to mention the fact that I’m in love with him. I know it. I’m more certain about that than I’ve ever been about anything. And it’s getting harder and harder to keep that particular truth inside. I wouldn’t dare let Mulder in on this secret. When I confronted Sheila in the bathroom earlier I’d let out more honesty than I’d intended, but not in front of Mulder. I’m not ready for that.

I’m convinced we cannot take this leap. Not now, anyway. There’s too much work to be done. First we have to get the X files back. _Our_ X files. Because they’re ours, his and mine. We need them and they need us and a physical relationship would get in the way of that. The Bureau would use just about any excuse in the book against us at this point.

Change is in the air for us, however, and we can both feel it. Now that we both know we wanted to kiss each other, this thing between us… it’s _out there._ The truth, oddly enough. I laugh to myself.

“What is it?” Mulder asks, startling me. I’d laughed out loud, apparently.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” We’re in a weird state where we’ve revealed enough to each other already in his hallway, so he doesn’t press.

But then he takes my hands in his and drapes them behind him, around his neck, and puts his on my waist gently. I shouldn’t feel like my twelve-year old self again but I do. While this new position feels utterly appropriate in this setting I can feel myself trembling and hope to god he can’t tell how nervous I am. Our faces are so close together and my entire body is hot. It feels like it might spontaneously combust, in spite of my reservations on the likelihood of such a possibility. I want to believe he’s nervous too but his smile is just so damn disarming and he seems so cool and collected. His fingers are rubbing soft circles much too close to my ass to be merely friendly and its distracting as hell. He looks directly into my eyes and I can physically feel myself falling into them even more.

“Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is echoing around the gym but all I can think about is that fucking 10cc song and no amount of Judy Garland is going to chase it away at the moment. 

 

_Ooh you made me love you_

_Ooh you've got a way_

_Ooh you had me crawling up the wall_

 

This isn’t fair. He shouldn’t be doing this to me; to us. This is hard enough already. Putting us in this position makes me feel exposed. I feel as if I should say something before these thoughts have the effect upon me they’re threatening to and I actually physically melt into his arms.

“What was that Holman said? Try what sometime?” I’m just making small talk. I don’t really care what Holman Hardt has to say about anything while Mulder is touching me like this.

“Oh..” he shrugs dismissively. “Just something we were talking about earlier. About me and… some girl.”

“Some girl, Mulder?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I thought you didn’t know what girls were?” I tease him. This is what we do. We can’t help ourselves. He chuckles and hesitates. I know he’s just being playful but it feels like he’s being careful as well.

“Well, I don’t, not usually,” he says. “But this one… this one is special.”

“Ah,” I say. Because I know he’s talking about me and I don’t have a reply. I never do in moments like this. It’s probably why we’re stuck in this mind numbingly infuriating limbo from which there is seemingly no escape.

I know what he’s trying to say. I’m not an idiot. It’s the same thing we try to tell each other every single day without telling each other anything. We’ve become experts at hiding our feelings, and the feelings we can’t hide, well… those are the ones we just sense when we look into each other’s eyes.

All I know is there’s a line we can’t cross, like crime scene tape stretched out between us. There are a million reasons we shouldn’t cross it so we don’t.

But, I mean… we’re FBI agents, after all. We’re allowed to cross crime scene tape, right?

 _Jesus Christ._ I’m even trying to reason my way out of my own faulty metaphors. For fuck’s sake, Dana, get a grip.

“Anyways, I’m happy… for them,” he smiles, looking over my shoulder at Holman and Sheila. I crane my neck to look, trying to be discreet but there’s really no need; they only have eyes for each other. It gives me a nice feeling and I smile too. ”Must be freeing to acknowledge that kind of truth,” he continues.

“I imagine it is.”

I’m _sure_ it is. I wonder how many more years it will take us to acknowledge a similar truth.

Without warning, my head relaxes into his chest. I don’t mean to do it, I swear. It just kind of happens. But I can’t move because… well, it just feels so damn good here in his arms. It feels like I don’t have a right to be here, but he’s allowing it. His fingers move into my hair, the heel of his hand just barely grazing the back of my neck and I shiver.

This is so stupid, _so stupid._ I shouldn’t be doing this. _He_ shouldn’t be doing this. We have reasons, good reasons not to give in to this. My mind is racing a mile a minute and my insides are churning and if I had a power like Holman Hardt’s there’d be a hurricane sweeping into the gymnasium right about now.

Suddenly I’m aware my body is fully pressed against his in a way it hasn’t been before. How did this happen? I pull away a bit in surprise and my eyes betray what I definitely just felt.

“Sorry, it has a mind of its own,” he grins, those goddamn hazel eyes sparkling. I hadn’t said anything. Just swaying with him and feeling his erection against my hip. No big deal.

“And your two minds don’t align?”

 _Shit._ Why did I say that? Why am I actively flirting with him while his hands are in my hair and his dick is pressed up against me like this? Our playful banter has always come so naturally I can only imagine, now knowing what we know, how it’s going to evolve. 

 

_Like walking in the rain and the snow_

_When there's nowhere to go_

_And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying_

 

He chuckles at my retort and every sound he makes sends bolts of electricity right where it always does. I clench my thighs together in an attempt to disprove the very provable evidence of what he can do to me gathering there at this very moment. I’ve never wanted him to touch me so badly in our entire partnership and I’ve certainly wanted him to. A lot.

“Well, sometimes they do align,” he responds, that deep voice raising goosebumps all over me. “My brain just has more self control.”

Well, that’s great. I’m fucking thrilled _his_ does.

Every ounce of my own energy is being directed into controlling myself. Into _not_ throwing him down right here on this wooden gym floor and having my way with him, doing things to him that middle-school-aged me would never have been privy to.

I angle my head a bit so it’s right up next to his, as close as I can get with our height difference, and now we are positioned almost cheek to cheek, his mouth at my temple. I can’t see his face anymore and it’s unnerving, almost uncomfortable. Almost. His breath is hot. I can feel every single tiny hair on my skin at attention, just waiting for what’s next. I hold my breath, feeling as if we must be doomed to an eternity of waiting for what’s next.

His next words would take my breath away if I had any left in my body.

“I wish I’d kissed you, Scully… I wish I’d just done it years ago.”

He says it so quietly I can barely hear him. His thumbs are circling around and around at my neck now, every tiny motion feels so huge. Knowing what’s happening and not feeling able to act upon it is absolutely maddening. _If he had_ … if he had kissed me long ago what would be different? _We_ would be different. The weight of this moment wouldn’t exist.

And yet...

“I wish you had, too.”

It’s the truth. There isn’t a day that’s gone by since our near-kiss happened I haven’t had murderous thoughts about bees. Insects in general, really. Fuck them all.

His hands grab my face and he pulls back to look at me and it suddenly feels like we are back in that hallway again. This time, nothing would stop us. We both know it. But still, we hesitate. Before, such a moment was thrust upon us without warning. Now, we’re well aware of what’s at stake. We both don’t want things to change just as desperately as we do.

He pulls our foreheads together, which is typically a task considering our height difference, but the heels I’ve been standing on all day offer some assistance. I know my feet are killing me but I cannot feel them. All I can feel is this heat between us, this energy, this unfathomable, indescribable, unsolvable mystery that isn’t really a mystery at all. This kiss that’s hanging in the air, begging to happen, feels even more weighty now than it did back in that hallway.

But if we did… our worlds would change. _We_ would change.

I’m overcome with longing and trepidation and my body is shaking again, and I know he can feel it.

“I’m not gonna try anything, Scully,” he says, his voice a low monotone. It sends a chill down my spine directly to the place I wish it wouldn’t. “I think it’s important… that we don’t. Right now.”

For a brief moment, I wonder if he’s misinterpreting my trembling body to mean I don’t want him to kiss me. But then I wonder if that’s true… do I want him to, now?

I’m terrified.

My eyes close and I picture his lips approaching mine, those lips I’ve become accustomed to staring at when I think he’s not looking. His tongue would move over mine, and I’d finally, _finally_ get to taste him. What then?

I _know_ what then. My mind wanders uncontrollably. It goes to a place I try not to let it unless I’m at home, in my own bed, my fingers desperately searching for relief. At home it feels safe and indulgent. Here and now these thoughts are downright dangerous.

But I could do it. I could just move my face an inch, just tilt it a tiny bit and he’d take the hint, I know he would. He’d make that journey.

Do I want him to?

 

_Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river_

_Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea_

 

 Broken hearts. Lonely souls. It could happen to us. Nothing would be stopping us if the risk wasn’t real.

 

_You lay your bets and then you pay the price_

_The things we do for love, the things we do for love_

 

“I think you’re right, Mulder…” I whisper, moving my face against his scratchy cheek. He leans into me, and the shift is subtle but I feel it. His arms move from my neck down to my shoulders and he pulls me into him, sighing. He’s as disappointed as I am, but we both are still on the same page. We both know it’s the right decision.

For now.

We’re dancing again, really dancing. This dance has gone on for so long. But I’ll never tire of it.

 

_A compromise would surely help the situation_

_Agree to disagree but disagree to part_

_When after all it's just a compromise of_

_The things we do for love, the things we do for love_

 

This isn’t the time for us. This isn’t the place. I love him too much to do this. I love _us_ too much. I love everything about our partnership.

We’re doing this, or rather _not_ doing this, for love.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river  
> Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea  
> You lay your bets and then you pay the price  
> The things we do for love, the things we do for love
> 
> Communication is the problem to the answer  
> You've got her number and your hand is on the phone  
> The weather's turned and all the lines are down  
> The things we do for love, the things we do for love
> 
> Like walking in the rain and the snow  
> When there's nowhere to go  
> And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying  
> And you're looking for the answer in her eyes  
> You think you're gonna break up  
> Then she says she wants to make up
> 
> Ooh you made me love you  
> Ooh you've got a way  
> Ooh you had me crawling up the wall
> 
> Like walking in the rain and the snow  
> When there's nowhere to go  
> And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying  
> And you're looking for the answer in her eyes  
> You think you're gonna break up  
> Then she says she wants to make up
> 
> Ooh you made me love you  
> Ooh you've got a way  
> Ooh you had me crawling up the wall
> 
> A compromise would surely help the situation  
> Agree to disagree but disagree to part  
> When after all it's just a compromise of  
> The things we do for love, the things we do for love


End file.
